Several have asked me why I don’t write so much in my blog… I suppose there are several answers and then again, maybe no particular reason. Mainly I am too tired as I work full time again, and then some. It is exhausting to me and my concentration is not so great, there isn’t much left by the time I get home from work. The writing usually comes when I am especially upset as well, and that is usually when I am driving now. It is my only alone time. And also a reminder that the world is still the same yet very different to me.
I dropped the sketch of Carson off today to be matted and framed; the woman who helped me was great, even when I burst into tears as we selected mat board and I had to explain it to her. She had a talent for selecting what I think is a nice set of mat boards and a great frame too… less talent in trying to console me but that’s another story. She meant well.
Tomorrow I have the difficult task of meeting with the guidance counselor and I believe a principal or two at Farragut High School. They have something they want to present to me, and I need to return Carson’s textbooks although they said it wasn’t necessary. Maybe I’ll keep just one. I cry every time I think of how that will feel and not knowing what to expect… I suspect the layout is done for the yearbook but not sure. It will be a tough trip either way. My brother has offered to meet me there and I will let him. I feel so helpless.
I titled this post “The Quilt is Finished” so I should include that. I got the finished quilt over the weekend and pleased with it although I cry each time I look at it and hold it. It’s ok though, it’s what I have to do and can’t control and don’t want to control. I keep it in Carson’s old room which has been painted and emptied except for all those plastic totes full of pictures waiting to be scanned as well as what schoolwork and papers I have saved. Cheryl donated her old loveseat that is in there now too, complete with slipcover that I can’t figure out how to put on it after I washed it. There’s much I want to do with the room but simply don’t have the energy for it at this time. Carson’s old card table is still set up in there. His clothes and computer and everything else are packed away in his closet. More plastic totes.
The quilt is very special as it is made up of his boxer shorts, shirts, pants, shorts and even a part of a Cracker Barrel apron. The center was beautifully embroidered by Diana onto one of Carson’s oxford cloth shirts. Isaiah 40:31 was given to me to read by the non-traditional counselor…. “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Someday it will bring comfort I suppose and I will wait for that day. I requested that the clothing he was wearing when he had his accident be incorporated and some of it is. Directly above the center is part of the t-shirt he was wearing under his “scrubs” top. To the left is a piece of the blue jeans he was wearing. To the right are those old yellow boxer shorts he wore all the time, and below that, the gray hoody he was wearing. Bottom center is the top to his scrubs. I can actually name every single square but I especially wanted the clothes that were cut from him incorporated into the quilt. I had hoped the battery acid stain that looks like an angel could be pieced in but because of how that hoody was all cut up, it could not.
I want to crawl under that quilt and never come out again. Absence truly is the hardest truth.
What a fascinating treasure to have. I hope to see this piece of artwork someday……maybe I can come put on the slipcover, I have those at my house, they are like a puzzle.